Swine flu. Run for my life!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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