can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
