I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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