Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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