i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
