i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
