Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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