I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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