you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
