So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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