brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
