Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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