Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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