Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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