At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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