I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
