So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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