I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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