it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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