omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
