I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
