im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
you never un-have a 4some
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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