She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
