R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
