stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
