Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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