I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
