when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
