we're blogging at a bar
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How external is "for external use only"?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
