You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
