I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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