Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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