I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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