then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Hippo gnu deer
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
