anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
