matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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