She announced her abortion via fbk
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
