I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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