that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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