How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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