Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
