It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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