I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
