At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
