Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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