Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
