she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
