Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
