I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
