Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
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He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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