He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
