we're chasing vodka with high fives
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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