Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She told me I should be a condom model.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
