i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
