My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
