Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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