Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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