I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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