just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
