My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
