I can text with my tongue
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
