Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
