i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I am one with the molecules
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
