Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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