Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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