I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
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I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
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Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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