i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
