Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
