her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
