I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
