dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
