We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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