Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
