just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
