You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
