hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
