so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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