Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
