I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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