Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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