I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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