Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
