do herpes really smell.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
