During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
